The Torren Effect
by journeyman07
Summary: A series of one-shots showing how babysitting Torren prompts some personal thought and reflection amongst the Atlantis personnel - beginning with John Sheppard. Updated with Ronon and Jennifer.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **This is for **tripwatcher2** – a little John and Teyla for Christmas.

* * *

'Colonel.'

John Sheppard straightened himself as Kanaan answered the door and acknowledged him warmly. He cleared his throat and was about to muster some kind of greeting when Kanaan smiled and waved him in.

'Uh…thanks,' Sheppard managed.

He'd never felt quite at ease with Teyla's partner. Maybe this was because of the nature of their initial meeting some months before: Kanaan had still been under Michael's influence existing as human/Wraith hybrid. _Or maybe…maybe it had nothing to do with that at all… maybe it was because… _Sheppard shoved these thoughts aside before they went any further – they made him uncomfortable.

Although when it came down to it Sheppard actually liked Kanaan. Everyone did. He was warm, strong and good-humoured. No wonder he had important status amongst his fellow Athosians – especially now he was with Teyla. Kanaan listened and took notice of what people said. His kindness was well known. _Hell, even Ronon liked him._

'John…' a soft voice brought the colonel back to the present.

Teyla.

She looked amazing. Her glossy hair was piled high, with ringlets trailing down her graceful neck to the low scoop of the deep blue gown she was wearing. The cut of which truly flattered her lithe figure. The image was so at odds with the regulation military gear that Sheppard was used to seeing her in that it literally took his breath away.

'Wow…' Sheppard couldn't help himself, 'you look great!'

'Thanks, John.' Teyla's eyes lit with genuine pleasure at his appreciation.

'Uh…' Sheppard tried to collect himself, 'you better get going though, don't want you to be late.'

Teyla and Kanaan were attending a function organised by Richard Woolsey welcoming some important members of the IOA from Earth. As soon as Sheppard had heard about it he'd set about actively looking for an excuse not to be there. Babysitting Torren was definitely the easier option to biting his tongue for whole evening. As it was he'd have to be at the meetings these people would invariably demand – socialising with them as well was just _not_ an option in the colonel's book. Besides Sheppard hadn't managed to have much time with Teyla's son lately and had missed that.

'Torren's feed is over there,' he realised Teyla was giving him instructions.

'OK, when does he need that?'

'In an hour or so,' Kanaan answered and then grinned, 'he'll probably let you know.'

'Will you be all right?' Teyla looked worried.

_She means 'will I cope'? _he thought with some amusement.

'Of course, now _go_!' Sheppard told them both, 'Have fun!'

'OK,' Teyla said, her tone still slightly uneasy.

'I'll call you on the radio if there's any problems, Teyla,' he reassured her, 'don't worry.

'Thank you for this, colonel,' Kanaan told him sincerely.

'You're welcome,' Sheppard indicated the door. Kanaan's gratitude made him feel distinctly…odd…he couldn't think of a better word. 'And tell Ronon not to drink too much!'

'I think Jennifer will see to that!' Teyla remarked wryly as they finally left.

'Yeah,' but his answer was given only to the quiet swoosh of the closing door.

Stillness descended. Just the faint sound of Teyla's laughter floated back long the hallway. _Something Kanaan said maybe_?

Sheppard sighed and went to find Torren.

The little boy was wriggling happily on his back in his cot. On seeing the colonel, he held out his stocky arms and smiled.

_He has Teyla's eyes._ Sheppard would recognise that serene gaze anywhere.

'C'm'ere, little man.' He mumbled to the baby and hoisted him carefully from the cot. Torren gurgled merrily at him in what Sheppard swore was sheer delight. The little boy felt so warm and solid. _So alive._

Torren John.

John Sheppard was still awed and honoured that Teyla's son should bear his name. Especially considering how angry he'd been when she'd told him about her pregnancy. At times he was still uncomfortable with his behaviour that day and on subsequent days. It had been such a surprise, provoking in him a maelstrom of conflicting emotions. It had been down to Ronon to do the right thing and offer the congratulations and support Teyla had so badly needed to hear.

Torren John.

He hadn't even known about Kanaan. _Ronon _had known about Kanaan. How was it the Satedan noticed every damn thing that went on in the city? Including the fact that Rodney McKay was wildly in love with Jennifer Keller…resulting in some weird kind of competition between the warrior and the scientist for the good doctor's affections. Ronon had 'won' of course; even Sheppard could see that one coming.

Torren John.

He hadn't even asked who the father was.

And now it was too late.

_Too late for what? _He cradled the baby in the crook of his arm and jogged him gently. Torren giggled and made Sheppard smile despite himself.

_To tell her. _Sheppard found himself listening to those thoughts about Teyla that most of the time he deliberately ignored.

_Difficult to ignore them when you're here, in her…their quarters…with her…their son in your arms._

He'd promised that Torren would have family here on Atlantis, whatever happened. It still surprised him that he'd said such a thing - city lockdowns seemed to have the oddest effects on people's behaviour. _Or was it surprising…considering?_

_It was too late. _

Too late to tell Teyla how he really felt. That she was so much more to him than a team member, a colleague or a friend. In typical John Sheppard self-denying style he'd realised the truth when it was simply too late. By then she was already with Kanaan.

It had been the same with Nancy. By the time Sheppard had realised how much his ex-wife had meant to him, or how much she'd worried during his long absences from home because of this or that secret mission, or how long she waited for him to reconnect with her when he was home and that, yes, he _would _like them to have children…she had given up on him and left.

For someone else.

Someone else who was there for her. Someone else with whom she'd had two children within two years.

Two children.

Two.

And he had none.

And no one.

He knew others would disagree with that and cite his brother back on Earth and the many colleagues here on Atlantis but everyone else had a _special _someone there for them. He even counted Rodney among this list, because of the rekindled relationship he had established with sister Jeannie and her daughter Maddison. Not even the scientist's usual sharp veneer bothered to cover up the affection and gratitude at their presence in his life, Ronon had Jennifer, even Zelenka had an inordinate amount of friends on the base and a huge family back on Earth…and Woolsey? _Woolsey? Did he have…?_

Torren's little hand on his chest interrupted Sheppard's gloomy musing.

'Feed time?' he murmured to the baby gently. Torren gurgled in reply.

He walked over to where the bottle sat ready and picked it up.

Torren accepted its teat and settled down to suckling happily, his fingers reaching for the bottle's smooth sides with a strength that belied his age.

'Greedy,' Sheppard told him, enjoying the baby's enthusiasm nonetheless.

_Is this what it might have been like?_

Nancy hadn't trusted him to be there for her, let alone any children they might have had. That's what she'd said when she left. Sheppard remembered that day clearly, even now. It had drizzled fine rain as she'd packed – the skies grey and overcast. Then he'd stood by and let her go, paralysed by his inability to reach out and say anything, let alone the right thing. He'd watched himself emotionally retreat – soon to be divorced from Nancy and already divorced from his emotions.

_And then there had been Teyla._

Tough, charismatic and beautiful. A respected leader amongst her embattled people. Never afraid to say what really mattered at the right times. She'd chosen to stay on Atlantis as the best way of defeating the Wraith threat. _How much had it hurt her to be away from her kin?_

She was a constant. _My constant._

Until Kanaan. And then Torren.

Torren John.

'How's he doing?' Sheppard jumped at the sound of her voice. He hadn't even heard the door open. Had he been so far lost in his memories?

'He's fine.' He frowned, 'You're not supposed to be here…'

'I know,' Teyla shrugged a little, 'I just wanted to see if he…and you were OK?'

'Yeah, we're OK…how's the party?'

'Mr Woolsey is making a long speech,' Teyla raised an eyebrow quizzically at Sheppard as she answered.

'Ah, OK.' He understood, 'Do you want to hold him?' he offered Torren back to his mother.

'No.' Teyla smiled, 'He looks just fine where he is.'

'You think?' Sheppard felt warmed by her words. He gently removed the bottle teat from Torren's mouth, deftly wiping him clean with the corner of the blanket.

'You brought him home in the dart.' Teyla reminded him, 'He's knows when he's safe.'

Silence stretched around them.

'Teyla…' Sheppard began, but the words dried in his throat. _It was too late._

She looked up at him, standing closer now. Her clear unblinking gaze was bright and fearless. Sheppard realised he'd never seen her show fear…of anything.

'I know,' Teyla's hand rested lightly his arm, 'I _do _know.'

Sheppard gazed at her transfixed. She _did_ know. She really did. They had been through so much together over the last few years. They'd faced numerous known and unknown dangers, taken many risks and had suffered the brutal pain of loss during their association. Nothing could take away that connection, even if it was largely unspoken.

'There's a lot of things I should have said…and done…' he faltered once more.

'It's OK,' she whispered. _Was that a tear?_

'I don't know why I never…' Sheppard tried to continue.

'John,' Teyla cut in gently, 'You will _always_ be a part of my life _and _Torren's.'

'I will?' he felt so helpless and so inept at this….even now.

'You promised that you'd be there for him, for my son.' She reminded him with a wide, slow smile.

'Always.' Sheppard echoed and nodded.

That he _could_ do.

* * *

**A/N: **Sheppard was very hard for me to write, so all thanks to the beta skills of **renisanz** and her wise words that helped get this anywhere near readable! So let me know what you think. (Ronon and Jennifer next!) Thanks, J07


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** for all the R/K shippers...Merry Christmas x

Beta-ed by **renisanz **with thanks. This takes place some time after my last fic 'Never Give Away Your Advantage'.

* * *

'I'm sorry…' Jennifer looked at Ronon with a guilty expression as she opened the door to her quarters.

Propped over one shoulder was the grizzling form of Torren John Emmagan. Jennifer continued to rub the baby's back and rock him gently even as she gestured Ronon to enter.

'Teyla needed to go to the mainland to see her people,' Jennifer began, 'and Kanaan is already there, so…'

'It's OK,' Ronon smiled down at her wide-eyed worry, 'we can go to a movie night anytime.'

Atlantis' CMO visibly relaxed.

'It's just I know that our last date got railroaded due to the flu outbreak and…'

'Jennifer…' Ronon bent down and dropped a warm kiss on her lips, 'it's OK.'

'It is?' she felt grateful for Ronon's understanding and patience, thinking (not for the first time) how lucky she was to have him in her life. It was only a matter of months since the arrival of Kiryk and Larrin had inadvertently reconciled them and their romance was still in its passionate and exciting infancy. Most days Jennifer pinched herself to check it was actually real – that Ronon _was _actually interested in her, especially when she was quite sure he could have had his pick from a long line up of willing female personnel.

'Yeah.' he reassured her then indicated Torren, 'C'mon, give him to me,'

Jennifer was startled at this suggestion and didn't immediately know how best to react.

'Had sisters remember?' Ronon explained, 'and they had children.'

'Oh yes, of course.' she collected herself and shook off her surprise. Little by little the Satedan had been revealing his background and life before the Wraith had captured him. Ronon had spoken just once of two older sisters who were also soldiers, but who had growing families at the time of the last fateful siege on his home planet. Jennifer wondered if there were perhaps other siblings that might come to light over time. Family, it seemed, was pretty much put before everything in Satedan culture – that much she had gleaned.

Ronon took Torren from her gently. Jennifer watched fascinated at this image of Teyla's small son in the Satedan warrior's arms. She observed how Ronon really did know how to hold a baby, tucking one of his huge hands under the little boy's head as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Even more astonishing was that, after a few minutes, Torren stopped fretting and had fallen into a peaceful slumber on the big man's chest - his tiny left hand curled tightly round one of Ronon's dreadlocks.

Jennifer closed her mouth, realising she was gaping.

'What?' Ronon slowly sat down in one of her chairs. He swung his feet neatly up onto the table nearby, all the while carefully supporting Torren. He gazed at the sleeping baby fondly, tucking Torren's blanket around the baby's shoulders.

'That has to be…' she paused, 'one of the sexiest things I have ever seen!'

As soon as the words had left her mouth, Jennifer flushed a deep crimson and abruptly covered her face with her hands.

Ronon chuckled and raised an eyebrow at her. He enjoyed Jennifer's moments of random truth immensely.

'Oh god, did I just say that?!' she exclaimed mortified.

'Look at him now…' Ronon chose to ignore her discomfort and indicated Torren, 'he's really relaxed.'

Jennifer joined him on the chair and watched the little Athosian sleep. Torren's round smooth face was still and tranquil, with a small bubble forming at one corner of his mouth.

Ronon slipped his free arm round Jennifer's shoulders and pulled her in close to him. He heard her sigh as she settled into his side.

'See, just as good as a movie,' he said softly.

'Yeah.'

They sat in silence, warmth and love enfolding them like Torren's comfort blanket. Jennifer felt her eyelids droop and sleep threaten to claim her. As ever she was guilty of working some overly long shifts and was deeply tired.

'Jennifer?' his deep voice brought her back to reality.

'Yeah?'

'You ever think about having children?' the question was so unexpected, so out-of-nowhere and so apparently unlike Ronon that she coughed in astonishment and bolted upright.

'Wha…what?' she spluttered, 'I've never…I mean…_children?_'

'Yeah…family.' Ronon clarified, puzzled by her reaction. He vaguely remembered one of those confusing conversations with Sheppard and his view of Earth women and their attitude to childbearing in which the colonel had said something about his home planet being 'over-populated anyway'.

'Well, I…' Jennifer struggled self-consciously to articulate what she meant, 'I've never really thought about it.'

Ronon's face softened at Jennifer's look of shock and he took this to be one of those differences between their planets showing again. He pulled her close again, kissing the soft skin on Jennifer's neck. Torren stirred a little, then murmured into the night and drifted off back to sleep oblivious of the heartfelt conversation developing above him.

'On Sateda,' he said into her hair, 'men always hope to give children to the women they love,'

'Oh,' Jennifer replied, her heartbeat fluttering wildly, 'really?' she added then winced for sounding so lame. She was truly lost for words; in one short speech she was pretty sure that Ronon had just told her that he loved her and wanted them to have a family together.

This was the stuff fairytales were made of. It _couldn't_ be happening to her. _Could it?_

'I mean...' she began then faltered. What did she mean? Did she mean she'd never thought about having children? More like she'd never thought she'd find anyone special to be with, let alone a man who actually wanted a family with her...bookish Jennifer...Miss Ordinary and Boring from Chippewa Falls. Jennifer looked at Ronon, unable to hide her expression of awe as she reached out and softly drew a finger down his face. He smiled in return.

'I'm still getting used to the fact that we're together…' she said softly, '…that's amazing in itself for me.'

'Why?' Ronon was genuinely curious. He assumed this had to be something to do with how she originally confessed to feeling she wasn't good enough or strong enough for him. He'd hoped these last few months had buried those worries once and for all.

'Ronon,' Jennifer started, 'I'm the girl that got picked last for sports teams at school, who was bullied for being clever, for being skinny, for working hard at her studies, who never got asked on any dates and who never had a regular boyfriend until she was twenty.'

Ronon found these cultural references hard to understand but could tell they were important to her.

'Before you,' her voice had lowered to a whisper and he could see the glimmer of tears forming in Jennifer's eyes, 'there was really only one relationship to speak of and even then he was the shy boy at college that no one else wanted, but he really wanted me so I…but he certainly wasn't the…' she paused, thinking that Ronon either didn't realise or more likely just didn't care about his alpha-male status in the city.

She decided to leave that point for now and took a breath, 'So I _never_ _ever_ got as far as thinking about children, just assumed it wouldn't happen to me and so I got on with my career instead.'

'Satedan women grow up to expect to be given a family at a young age.' Ronon tried to balance this insight into her life with some around his own. 'And young men are proud to take on that responsibility.'

On Sateda family was everything, Jennifer reminded herself. Never before had this been clearer.

'Did you and Melena have any children?' she couldn't quite believe she'd asked that out loud but she needed to know.

Ronon had said little about his wife since their first conversation about her during the city lockdown all those months ago. He'd only filled in a few more details – her name, that they'd married young and that she'd been a nurse.

Ronon shook his head, his eyes still warm despite the intimacy of such a question.

'No,' he replied, 'but we'd planned to.'

'I'm sorry.' Jennifer reached up and kissed his cheek softly.

He just nodded and gazed back down at Teyla's son once again.

'So, what do you say?' Ronon asked after a long moment, pulling back to ascertain her reaction.

'A family? You and me?' she breathed, looking at Torren. 'I don't know…I…'

'Are you supposed to wait for a certain amount of time before you do this…you know…on Earth?' Ronon was once again puzzled as to the correct customs from Jennifer's home planet.

'Well, maybe… I mean…sometimes it's thought better to wait until…' she tried to form coherent sentences and explain, but it was hard to do this against the hammering backdrop of her heart.

'…you've known someone longer?' Ronon offered, wanting to understand.

'Yeah,' Jennifer suddenly felt incredibly shy under his intense gaze, 'sometimes.'

'OK.' was all Ronon said. He shifted Torren slightly and stroked the baby's forehead with one finger.

And suddenly Jennifer understood. She bit back the tears that threatened to come seeing all to clearly how he had nothing of the basic things that anchored her and her colleagues from Earth. His planet was in ruins; a whole history and culture burned and razed to the ground. And his wife and family were dead. Ronon Dex was among the last of his kind – how easily that was forgotten these days when he seemed such an integral part of the Atlantis mission.

_What would it be like to have Ronon's child?_ She wondered, putting aside her Earth-based expectations of propriety around this issue. Would he be there for her? Would he love their baby, as she instinctively knew she would? Would he get up in the middle of the night and attend to a feed if she was exhausted? Would he still love her when she looked wrung out and tired?

Jennifer knew the answers.

In fact the questions were purely academic.

Foolish in fact.

This was Ronon, after all.

'OK.' She found herself saying, as she snuggled into his warmth.

'OK what?' he checked.

'OK, a family it is.' Jennifer agreed. It was that simple. She actually didn't care how rash it might look to anyone else. She loved Ronon. He loved her. She never wanted him to feel alone again.

'Good.'

She felt rather than saw him smile.

* * *

**A/N: **should I continue and, if so, who next? J07 x


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